Problem
Mind , our amazing mind is root cause of all evil.
Why so many wonderful relationships out there fail miserably even though they have perfect beginning and perfect pairing ?
The cause is hidden in mind and its working.
When we start any relationship, we show cast our best side.Hence best meets best. All perfect love story.We take certain pains also to carry forward the relationship. Element of surprise is always there. Mind loves new things as well as surprises.That is why every new relationship or even love marriage feels like heaven.
With the passage of time, that novelty out grows.Familiarity creeps in. Familiarity is boring.Predictive behaviour is not the virtue of exploring mind.We start to show of our real self (which is just a natural behaviour.We all are humans,we all get angry over things, we all are little creepy, greedy and selfish),which some times mismatches with our projected image (not some times but all the times).This leads to end of euphoria which was settled in our mind about perfectness and ‘uniqueness’ of our partner.This is the real deal breaker as well as dampener.
The problem is not that we are not good or unique or whatever,the problem is that while projecting our perfect self we create false hopes and hence create a recipe of disaster.
Solution
- Believe in the fact that your partner will return to their original states of mind,whatever it might be.
- Embrace the imperfections with open heart and also expect them to divulge.
- Try to reinvent the relationship always.Try to keep a surprise element active for mind to fall.Fall in love again with the same person. This is the sole reason I oppose marriage between lovers .The surprise element is killed and hence love. Married people can be good friends but never lovers.Love need a spark to furnish.Friendship needs familiarity, love needs surprise.With our friends we expect predictable behaviour, they do not enhance our senses and sexual centres the way love does.Ironically enough we do not forgive our lovers of same faults with our friends would have got away with, otherwise! Lovers are treated differently because they have special permissions and grants also.
- People who do not marry always have that tension in them alive.People who meet once or twice in a week always have that spark and desire to know more burning in their hearts.Separation strengthens the bond of love and never weakens it!
- Whatever temptations you have in your mind to cling to your partner, marry them and have a safe life, never fall for it.Mind don’t like that aspiration of yours.The moment mind knows that the circle of relationship is complete (Like marriage), it starts to forget it! (anti Zeigarnick effect). All marriages are heaven in only in first year of their life cycle.
- Exceptions to above rule are soulmates.They are so deeply intertwined with each others thoughts and persona that physical love no longer matters to them.They become one soul in two bodies.There is an invisible connection between them.They become background music of each others life.Their love becomes their prayer.They don’t need words to communicate or things to impress each other.Its like deep trance meditative state where your minds compass always turns back to same person, no matter how many times it gets (temporarily) deflected during the day.The default state is same. But how to identify such partners ?
- Believe in your gut feel.Your inner instinct.Test them at times upto the extreme. Create physical separations and look whether they are comfortable with it or not. This is the the litmus test for ‘hormone driven’ love.If they forget you once physical intimacy is over, they are NOT your soulmates but only addiction and obsession of mind.
- Do they play by ego or heart.People who love you have only two emotions for you.Happiness and sadness.Whatever other temporary emotions they might experience with time like anger, hurt,lust or whatever always transforms to one of those two basic emotions.You can check your own feelings for your partner in this manner.
- Do they hurt your ego or pride ?
- Are you angry with them for their untoward behaviour or sad?
- Do you feel pride or sense of achievement (getting them) or feel thankful to god that he allowed you two to cross roads ? Love is simple but relationships are complicated.Love is contract less while relationships have terms and conditions.
- Do you want to take revenge from them, have more power in relationships , want to play mind games to take ‘control’ over them or just want to surrender?
- Do you like their basic nature or their physical body and material prospects ?
- Getting a soulmate is very difficult.Recognising them is more difficult.You have to test them.They will test you.If you pass all the obstacles and are still there, then you win baby. Love is a team sport.Either both win or both loose.
All those tricks of mind end at one stage of deep trance love (it is the part of process).There is only one image left in your mind and that is of your lover.There is only one voice ringing in your mind and that too is of your lover.You don’t bother or care for anyone or any thing.All those cleverness of yours is sublimed.You totally surrender to love.You stop ‘dating’ and start ‘meeting’.
PS : Love is freedom.Freedom from self, from those tricks of the world.It is total surrender.Complete devotion, just like prayer.One ness of two is real love.Rest is marketing and media illusion.Love is what cannot be stopped and not what has to be pushed, ignited etc.If love doesn’t guarantee peace and commitment what else ever can.
Do men fall in true love or is everything just casual for them?
Life Lessons, Love Hacks 