I stopped trying to please everybody.
- I learnt this attitude a bit later in life after my college years. You can’t make everyone happy and you shouldn’t try to either. People are non linear, irrational human beings who are driven by
- Lousy emotions
- Hidden animal instincts
- Secret inner desires
- Uncontrollable jealousy,
- Preconceived notions
- Evolutionary biological pain points
- Personal insecurities
- Cultural biases
- Cognitive biases
- Media Brainwashing etc.
- You cannot please everyone and you should not try to. You do not need all of them to become successful or accomplish any goals in life. In fact, polarization is good.
- Someone who pleases all, pleases none. Sometimes, haters make you celebrity. Examples like Dhinchak Pooja, Honey Singh, Pewdiepie, Carryminati and a lot more accomplished a lot of things just by polarizing crowd. Latest example is POTUS Donald Trump.
- Polarizations creates unique identity. Suppose you like the LGBT community and openly endorse them, you will find many haters from the straight community but at the same time you will find many friendly LGBT members. If you are always diplomatic and flow with the wind, you will reach nowhere. Your endorsement is your identity and it is your total worth. Recall any great celebrity or politician or leader or business icon, you can instantly associate a single word to their persona. Let me give examples
- Steve Jobs : Perfectionist
- Narendra Modi : Tough
- Amitabh Bachchan : Gracious
- Salman Khan : Aggressive
- Donald Trump : Eccentric
- Obama : Charmer
- Bill Clinton : Eloquent
- Atal Bihari Vajpayee : Magnificent Orator
- These and many other world personalities have one thing in common. They have defined their authoritative personality traits and are consistent with it. As Robert Cialdini points out in his brilliant book, Influence, consistency and Authority are two dominant traits to influence people.
- People love and value uniqueness. We are already divided and biased. You cannot equate all of them. The best thing is to be unique so that people who are like you identify with you and you become a part of unique tribe.
- If you are a flirt, accept it.
- If you are polyamorous, accept it.
- If you are bisexual, accept it.
- If you love LGBT, accept it.
- If you are hypersexual, accept it.
- If you hate black people (Just a example), accept it. Even though there is no need to hate them or anybody but if you do, accept it.
- If you are arrogant, accept it.
- Honesty may be unpleasant to some but it is a very attractive quality for those we are like you.
- Acharya Chanakya said : Those who have no real enemies have no real friends.
- “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.” ― John Lydgate
- Now the more profound realization : We all are indeed unique, we all have unique set of values and we know it. But due to the fear of society we hide our real unique self. We try to be diplomatic, non controversial, someone who mixes, gels with all and has no personal opinion and hence no personality!
- Just think of ‘one word substitution’ which the people who know you might use for you. If you can’t think of one single word, you don’t have a static personality but a people pleasing dynamic personality.
- You hate sex with one group of people and are sex maniac with another. Since the world is a very small place and people are naturally inclined to gossip, it creates great cognitive dissonance with people on both sides of umbrella. You are NOT trustworthy with any group now and hence in no group!
- Let me give you a personal example. I was in Dubai and as you know sex is quite open over there. I had few friends (who are very genuine and nice people and I never judge them) who used to go to brothel (Social clubs to pick or in blunt sense buy girls pleasure time).
- I out of curiosity told them I would also visit with them (Just to check what happens over there as I have never been to any red light area or brothel or to a prostitute). I went there, met few sexy and nice girls but was not inclined for sex.
- My idea is that I never buy sex. I only like to touch people with whom I have emotional connection. I am flirtatious, may fall in love with many girls at a single given time but can never indulge in sex without emotion. This is my basic characteristic.
- This didn’t went well with any of them! those who go to brothel hated me and those we never go also hated me! And since I am flirtatious (multi flirtatious) this even doesn’t go well with my personality type of a playboy! Huh!
- This is my nature that I fall in love with many people too quickly and I have nothing to hide. But I have never used my skills to ‘fuck and forget’. Emotion is the prerequisite.
Uniqueness pisses people off because deep down they know they are unique but can never acknowledge it publicly. Becoming unique needs guts and very few have it.
I guess now you know what the catch phrase ‘Be Yourself’ actually means.
What’s so unique about you?
#openup in comments.