- Love is very strong chemical imbalance. Nothing matches the euphoria when you are in love. But believe me the one who leaves the equation often has no feelings left towards you whatsoever. However strong your love was, if a nasty breakup occurs, more often than not all those butterflies in stomach turn into blood sucking leaches in no time. More you try to salvage your relationship, bitter it gets. The hardest thing to do in such a scenario is to let the dust settles down. Again as I stated this is the hardest thing to do. Our minds are horribly irrational when we are in love. It is insanely impractical and stupid when we are denied that love all of a sudden. Here is the checklist to recover your lover from a nasty breakup.
- Break contact for some time, possibly a month or two. This is the hardest thing to do. The emotional volcano is at such a high at the breakup point that people do all kinds of unimaginable things like full time stalking, begging, threatening and what not. However the best approach is to let the dust settle down.
- The reason is quite simple. Our minds are hardwired to forget negativity in the long run. This is the basis of our survival. It’s called positivity bias. Give the pain to subside. A mentor can be extremely helpful in this situation to help you keep your feelings in check.
- After two months or so restart with friendship mode only. Small little friendship with no hints of continuing relationship. I call this as 10% friendship.
- If they reciprocate well then treat it as a new relationship. Since you know them, it’s often easier for both of your to form bonds.
- Do not discuss past and focus only on present and future.
- Take time to fall in love again as before.
- In friendship : Most people lose their best friends due to financial mismanagement. You gave money to your best friend. He never returned and friendship got sour. My rule is no friendship in business and no business in friendship. It ruins both. If your friend asks for financial help, be very clear since beginning about all terms and conditions. If you are giving as a friend then don’t ask money back or expect it to be. If you are giving as a help but want it back, be very clear. Ask mortgage, do paperwork and be very clear about your intent and intentions. Don’t assume, presume etc if you really want your money back. I have lost very good friends for meagre 5k.
- In life : People are cunning, they are clever, they try to be over smart. I have seen this disturbing trend in new gen about being over smart, fooling people with smooth talk and getting their work done with shortcuts. They fail to recognize that your reputation and credibility is the greatest virtue you possess. In the long run relationships give you more money than petty tricks. People must engrave it on their soul and mind that money is an emotion and not logic. We do business or pay money only to those whom we like.
- Do not betray people for money unless amount is so large that it can help you till generations, Mallya and Nirav Modi. Even a con artist builds credibility by selective honesty.
- All financial transactions done in good faith and friendship must be forgotten in good faith! Either don’t give to a friend or don’t ask back.
- Money is your only friend nowadays. You can have as many friends if your have money. The rules of friendship and social liason have transformed long back.
All in all people are utilitarian, be in love, be in friendship. We all want something out of everything. I want sex, companionship, emotional support, social status etc from that sexy girl. In return she wants money, comfort, knowledge, protection etc. Yes love is intermixed between all these. When any one determining constant diminishes, the equilibrium is changed fast.
Remember that you always have to maintain that equilibrium, that original utilatarian equation in love, friendship etc.
Unconditional love do exists provided few conditions are satisfied